Over the weekend, I added to the pretty healthy box office of "Social Network." I am a pretty tech savvy chick. (I am going off topic just for a moment. According to my BFF, "Girl" does not quite describe my level of sophistication and je ne sais quoi..so I am open to suggestions for a replacement word!)
The internet has changed how we meet and how we socialize, especially for those of us who last went clubbing when the playlist included A Flock of Seagulls. The advent of dating websites has presumably presented us with a slew of (eligible and desirable) possibilities. Kind of like online shoe shopping. Let's see...taupe pumps in a size 11? 6' tall educated gourmet film buff with a sense of humor? Seems better than deflecting drinks from unwanted suitors in a smoky club filled with half dressed twenty-somethings...And certainly worth a shot...
Following my divorce, I broke out my credit card and started writing a witty and engaging profile on a fee based site. I spend a couple months weeding through offers. The chain of wink, message, e-mail, phone prior to meeting quickly became exhausting. Weeding through the prospects, I did meet a few for various degrees of refreshments. I ditched the guys who limited themselves to passing in cars at the drive through Starbuck's. Several guys informed me they were not in the market for anything more serious than an on demand booty call. Next. When I began to have repeat experiences, I decided to eschew the subscription fee in favor of a mani/pedi.
One July evening, on reprieve from a writing assignment, I perused an online site, pleasantly surprised to find a New York businessman looking for a dinner companion, "no strings attached." Nothing ventured...I write a witty response and hit "send." NY businessman responds from his office e-mail. Seems above board, no? We chat back and forth. He'll be in L.A the following Sunday. I plan a delightful day complete with museum and dinner reservations. We meet. He's attractive, charming, well-dressed, and quite intelligent. We spend a delightful day together and enjoy a lovely dinner overlooking the Pacific.
He shares with me the tales of his divorce and how difficult it is to meet women in his industry because of "gossip." I share some tales from my own "files." I think the date is going swimmingly well. NY guy tells me the day has been romantic and special. Score one for the Gipper.
I'm a girl/woman/still looking for replacement word. I'm also a writer which means following a good date, I have been known to write actual dialogue and scenes...Well, at the very least, I imagine the future.
We text a bit the next day in between his meetings. I'm not completely surprised when I don't hear from him upon his return to NY. When I send him a text a few weeks later, he apologizes for not being in touch, as he has been in Europe all summer on business. OK.
Recently, I send him a Linkedin request. He accepts. Then, feeling bolder, I send a Facebook friend request which he also accepts. I take a glance at his wall which has photos from his Parisian trip, maybe three weeks before we met. In the photos, he has his arm around a blonde woman. And there appears to be a wedding ring on his finger.
Oops.
I've been around the block enough to have gotten my share of scrapes and bruises. Yet, I've always managed to maintain a trusting attitude. Innocent until proven not-so-much. In a pre-http:// world, we generally believed what we read in print. But, the internet is the wild west. Anything goes.
Famed photographer Ansel Adams once said "Not everybody trusts paintings but everybody believes photographs." This clearly predated photoshop. The internet presents people the chance to photoshop their profile photos, past, and even relationship status.
I've learned we need to strike a balance between trust and skepticism. And to be on the lookout for ring finger tan lines and circumspect stories...
Happy Dating!