Tales From The Massage Table

What are the three all-time greatest summer songs?

Hot Fun in the Summertime----Sly and the Family Stone
Summer Madness --- Kool and the Gang
Summer in the City ---Lovin' Spoonful

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What would you do with an army of minions who would do whatever you tell them?

I was only two years sober when I went on a date with Michael. I wasn't feeling very good about myself in any way, whether it was my appearance, my personality, or my self confidence. I was just trying to be normal.
Michael was an artist and I thought I was pretty lucky when he asked me out. We were going to a dance performance at Lincoln Center so I thought I should dress as arty as possible. It was summertime, so I chose a brand new pink and white checker camisole top with Elie May Clampett denim shorts over that. To top it off, I wore my hair in pigtails.

I was living in the East Village at the time so, really, anything went. I forgot to mention that this was out first date. When Michael picked me up, he seemed a bit taken aback, but he was a gentleman, and didn't say a word.
Everything was going fine as we walked to the Union Square subway station. I was getting a few looks, but I assumed that they were looks of admiration. We boarded onto the subway car no problem, but then at the next stop a bunch of homegirls got on and they then got a gander at me and then the fun began....
" Hey Tashawna, look at that!! "
" Yeah, What the **** is that? "
" Is that a man?"
And on it went.. Poor Michael didn't know what to do, so he actually stood up and put both his hands on the bar above his head and swung his body over the bar and started doing gymnastics! It was bizarre! It was unexpected! But I must say, it stopped the harassment!
I did take my hair down, but he did not ask me out again.

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You never know!

I learned a valuable lesson a few years ago. We all remember the book that was on the New York Times bestseller list that was about the fashion editor who was a monster and ruined the authors' life for awhile.
I worked at the most popular spa on the planet for ten years and I had the privilege, or burden of working on some of the most famous people on the planet.
I worked on this alleged ice monster fashion editor a bunch of times over the years, and truth be told I never, ever had a problem with her. Oh sure, I'd heard the stories about her of course.
There was a story about how she called normal looking women like me ( not a size 4, ) not wearing high heels, "drones." NICE.......
But I must tell you, she was always a lady, and she even had a sense of humor. There were even times where a saw a little warmth slipping through.  And she tipped appropriately. Always......
I saw that I had the author of that book on my schedule. There was a buzz in the spa that she was coming in but I was not impressed. You see, I tried reading her tell-all book that was made into a movie, but I quite frankly found it unreadable. I do know that she made a lot of money from it and she got more book deals also.
I was not prepared for her princess behavior though. Thank God she was on time, because when celebrities are late, thats always stressful.
I asked her if she had any pain or injuries, and also how she wanted her pressure. She gave me a whole litany of issues with her body which is fine, it's part of living in the modern world. Stress, computers, flying.....
" I want deep pressure. As a matter of fact, feel free to go as deep as you like!" she said.
There is almost nothing worse you can say to a massage therapist, believe me. ( Unless the therapist is some sort of masochist.)
" Oh, okay. Would you like the deep tissue massage then? It's fifteen dollars more." I said.
" No, no no. Just give me what's scheduled then," she huffed, as she gave me a dirty look. I found out that her massage was on a gift certificate, and she wouldn't spring for the extra fifteen dollars!
I got started.
"Stop! What are you? Do you know what you're doing?"
''Excuse me? I've been practicing massage therapy here for eight years and I graduated from one the best massage schools on the planet. I do indeed know what I'm doing. How can I serve you?"
I can understand if there isn't good chemistry between the client and the therapist or the client just doesn't like the therapists' touch. It happens. But this woman was just a bully!
I asked her if she wanted to switch therapists and she said no. I was surprised. Why would she waste a perfectly good gift certificate? For the next 75 minutes she was incredibly abusive, and I don't know how I didn't break down in front of her. She stopped me every five minutes and complained about something that I was doing. I expected her to complain to management, but she never did.  She did stiff me, of course.  
As I walked home that night, I seriously considered finding another way to earn a living.

I realize now that the fashion editor, ( the one with the real power in the world ) didn't yield it or use it to bully people. The so-called writer really abused her short-lived power.

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