On July 1, 2010, I embarked on my own version of an Eat, Pray, Love year by nixing romantic love from my life. I decided to go off the market. 365 days of vacation from relationships! Flipped the "switch" to the off position. This cab is not picking up passengers. For those of you still not understanding, this means no trying to find or getting into a relationship for the next calendar year.
Yes, you read correctly! 365 DAYS. If you know me, you’re probably asking WHY? since you know me as a serendipity-loving, white knight-wanting, hopeless romantic. And if you don’t know me, you’re probably asking WHY? because why would someone embark on what could become a suicide mission for future happiness? Because…
Yet again, I’ve found myself stuck on the other side of the pasture, thinking of how green the grass must be with a great guy by my side (or at the least, just a date for the Labor Day wedding I’m in). And in that picture of tranquility, the guy I see happens to be one I’ve already dated. AND been dumped by already. And CONTINUE to wonder about….
Now some of you may say it’s just the “what if’s” that accompany every failed attempt at love. I’ll have you know, I’m really good at relationships. Too good. As in (deep breath): get too excited, become too close too soon, proceed to lose perspective, promptly put too much pressure on both myself and the guy without trying type of good, and while freaking out myself (or more often than not, causing the poor guy to do so), I manage to miss the best part-truly enjoying another person in that moment.
Before I get too sappy (and yes, this blog will be honest and as a result, honestly sappy from time to time), the moral of this year-long mission is two-fold: 1-to break the detrimental relationship habit of trying too hard and subsequently losing myself, and 2-to take a step back so as to keep from looking back. Because when I started thinking about how much time I invest while dating someone, the hours then spent analyzing and re-analyzing (and again, re-analyzing) after the door to our future shuts, and THEN wondering when Cupid would look kindly on me again, I finally realized that I was missing my own moment. So here I am virtually shouting from the no-access rooftop of my walk-up building in the East Village (which is, of course, located next to a porn store): I am a 25-year-old single living in one of the greatest cities in the world!
It’s time to act like it.
I’m breaking free (cold turkey, I might add) from my relationship past and relationship future so I can find out how fabulous it is being single in the present. And yes, it's going to be hard and frankly, a little scary. Relationships are off-limits, but casual dating is allowed and encouraged (I’ve only been on ONE casual date in my life which hasn’t resulted in some sort of relationship-ONE!). But more importantly, the focus of the year is to get out of my head and away from my heart long enough to secure the foundation for that fun-loving, confident, doesn’t have a care in the world girl that I lose every time I get what I think I’m looking for.
I’m off the market & in the moment!
Yes, you read correctly! 365 DAYS. If you know me, you’re probably asking WHY? since you know me as a serendipity-loving, white knight-wanting, hopeless romantic. And if you don’t know me, you’re probably asking WHY? because why would someone embark on what could become a suicide mission for future happiness? Because…
Yet again, I’ve found myself stuck on the other side of the pasture, thinking of how green the grass must be with a great guy by my side (or at the least, just a date for the Labor Day wedding I’m in). And in that picture of tranquility, the guy I see happens to be one I’ve already dated. AND been dumped by already. And CONTINUE to wonder about….
Now some of you may say it’s just the “what if’s” that accompany every failed attempt at love. I’ll have you know, I’m really good at relationships. Too good. As in (deep breath): get too excited, become too close too soon, proceed to lose perspective, promptly put too much pressure on both myself and the guy without trying type of good, and while freaking out myself (or more often than not, causing the poor guy to do so), I manage to miss the best part-truly enjoying another person in that moment.
Before I get too sappy (and yes, this blog will be honest and as a result, honestly sappy from time to time), the moral of this year-long mission is two-fold: 1-to break the detrimental relationship habit of trying too hard and subsequently losing myself, and 2-to take a step back so as to keep from looking back. Because when I started thinking about how much time I invest while dating someone, the hours then spent analyzing and re-analyzing (and again, re-analyzing) after the door to our future shuts, and THEN wondering when Cupid would look kindly on me again, I finally realized that I was missing my own moment. So here I am virtually shouting from the no-access rooftop of my walk-up building in the East Village (which is, of course, located next to a porn store): I am a 25-year-old single living in one of the greatest cities in the world!
It’s time to act like it.
I’m breaking free (cold turkey, I might add) from my relationship past and relationship future so I can find out how fabulous it is being single in the present. And yes, it's going to be hard and frankly, a little scary. Relationships are off-limits, but casual dating is allowed and encouraged (I’ve only been on ONE casual date in my life which hasn’t resulted in some sort of relationship-ONE!). But more importantly, the focus of the year is to get out of my head and away from my heart long enough to secure the foundation for that fun-loving, confident, doesn’t have a care in the world girl that I lose every time I get what I think I’m looking for.
I’m off the market & in the moment!
*Want to read more? Follow me daily at http://offmarketinmoment.blogspot.com/
This sounds like a great idea. We really need to take a moment to recognize our own strengths that gain power from outside of a relationship cycle. I used to do a similar version of this with a friend of mine: "No Men Til May"...come to think of it...it never worked out for us but that was due to the fact that deep down, we were both searching for a quality relationship that could eventually enhance our lives and not suck the energy out of our days by forcing us to analyze and anzalyze and reanalyze the reasons why what we were finding wasn't working. I think it was something that came about while the "helpers of the single girls" were coming up for reasons why we were still single: "It will happen when you're not looking", "You're closed off", "You've got to put yourself out there", "You've got to treat dating like a job!"...enough was enough. We decided to close one eye and pretend we weren't looking so it would "happen when we least expected it!"...kind of funny actually.
I think it is an amazing thing for you to take this time for yourself. You're 10 years younger than I am and have all the time in the world to make sure you won't have any regrets about missing out on your youth by passing the time under the shadow of someone else. The only advice I have for you is that you need to make sure that you don't get caught up in your role of the "off the market girl" and turn your back on Mr. Right if he presents himself during this time. You won't be letting anyone down and if he is indeed Mr. Right, you won't lose any of yourself. You will only have more to learn through someone else's eyes who are wide open to yours. (Believe me- I had been "The "30something single girl" for so long that I nearly talked myself into "the 40something annoyed and lonely girl without children!" ;)
I can't wait to hear about your fun over the next few months!
Take care,
Calia
Posted by: Calia Roze | 08/12/2010 at 12:48 PM
Thank you for sharing your wonderful insight, Calia. It's encouraging to hear similar experiences as I embark on this yearlong journey, and I certainly will keep in mind your comment re: Mr. Right should he show up!
In the mean time, I look forward to following your story as well!
Posted by: Off Market Girl | 08/12/2010 at 01:28 PM