Head vs. Heart. Which to follow?

My yearlong countown of being Off the Market contines, and today, I'm talkin' head vs. heart. That was the jist of this Downtown Dharma piece. Let me first say that I LOVE my weekly dose of this blog. It’s honest, well-written, witty, and most importantly, thought-provoking. Ilana does her research with top thinkers in the city and as a result, has been featured on sites such as Huffington Post and Psychology Today. It’s definitely worth subscribing for a good weekly read.

I’m an overanalyzer to the core, just like Downtown Dharma, so this piece of course tugged at my heart-or is it my head? Already, it’s confusing. Yet, I wanted to share…

THE PROBLEM WITH THINKING
Posted by admin in Downtown Dharma
Sometimes I feel like the chatter in my head can fill Yankee Stadium. Friends and mentors have tried to help with the Snap Out of It! approach, instructing me in rather loud, startling tones to stop thinking so much. Love the concept, but it’s not so easy.

I’ve always over analyzed situations growing up. I was a Psych major for that very reason. Well, that plus four years of free therapy. Women are infamous for over-thinking, obsessing about “Why didn’t he call?” Or “Should I buy these shoes?” Or “I hate these shoes I bought but all I can think about is why didn’t he call!”

Okay, we’re deeper and smarter than that. But now we’re told our best decisions are NOT made in our heads, and that we simply can’t think through our problems. I’ve actually had one friend tell me to make decisions from my Vahoohoo (her word, not mine!), but that’s just bizarre.

Life coach

Kristina Leonardi puts it this way: “Our guts and hearts are like hard drives, our minds the software. We need to let our centers do the heavy lifting and lead the way. But like any other muscle, you need to exercise love, intuition and trust in yourself on a regular basis. Then, little by little you grow stronger and more confident in order to let that part of you run the show, instead of your brain.”

Just listening to her say that makes me feel better and lighter. So, I recently attended Leonardi’s support group for people in career transition. They all had the same issue: ruminating about their next professional move.

Ahem. I’ve been there before.

Eckhart Tolle says, “Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it’s considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from being. It also creates a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.”

Enough with the chatter, he says. He justifies this advice with smart arguments: Thought is only a tiny aspect of our intelligence. It does not and should not rule the day. “All the things that truly matter – beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace – arise from beyond the mind.”

Jesus, is he gifted or what? Credit Oprah for this guy. That woman knows how to find ‘em.
Leonardi explains that becoming totally present allows us to know what feels right as a next step at any given moment. To get there, she recommends doing the following at least once a week:

Do something physical, preferably an activity that requires some concentration and skill, or even simple manual labor.
Be creative with your hands: paint, knit, cook or throw pottery.
Journal to get the thoughts out of your head and out onto the paper.
Play with animals or small children.
Disconnect from technology and spend time in nature.

These are all doable ideas, yes? So today, I’m going to sun it up at a friend’s pool, not thinking about what I should be doing tomorrow.

Instead, I’ll concentrate on my breaststroke…and lead with my heart.

Ok, how great was that? Of course, now I’m sitting here having read that post several times over trying to what to listen to. I have two things that have been pulling on my heart for some time. Of course, one of these things is my most recent ex, the catalyst for this year. I can only assume he had a freak out as a lot of 25-year-old's do. One day, we're great. Another, he's distant then gone. It's an old story, I know. And I also know that I should let him go if he's not ready. You can't force things. Yada, yada, yada.

But deep down, I keep thinking that if I could JUST talk to him...we had a really good thing.

Some days, I'm resisting my gut urge so much that I have to mentally tie myself to my chair, my thoughts enumerating the reasons I shouldn’t act on either as FEAR, REJECTION, and TIMING convince me what I want won’t work out.

This week is such a week. My heart and head are at war, and I’m stuck waiting for a cease fire.

But I’m a firm believer in “if you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything.” So until both sides calm down, I’m going to work on being totally present like Leonardi explains. Thankfully, I am knocking out a few of her weekly to do’s already:

Do something physical, preferably an activity that requires some concentration and skill, or even simple manual labor. Finally back to dance! Also attempting my first hot yoga class this week…stay posted on whether I survive.
Journal to get the thoughts out of your head and out onto the paper. Blog=journal.
Play with animals or small children. E has a puppy named Bella who routinely rejuvenates me. And, I’m babysitting next week!

As for the other ideas…

Be creative with your hands: paint, knit, cook or throw pottery. Oh jeez…this is not my forté. Must look for class…
Disconnect from technology and spend time in nature. I’m thinking of taking a Facebook hiatus so it may be time. Time to train it to Long Beach again. Done and done.

That’s a lot of work from the one post, but in addition my friend K (and bachelorette #2 who I will be celebrating with on Saturday!) gave me another challenge, suggesting that every day I try to do something out of the ordinary. It’s a little exercise in being uncomfortable and putting myself out there. Because talking to one of the deli cuties, eating lunch solo, or standing in front at dance class, instead of my usual back left corner spot, is not going to alter my life in any tremendous way. There’s little risk in the practice but the reward may serve in building that heart muscle Leonardi talks about, the ability to “exercise love, intuition and trust in yourself on a regular basis.”

I want my heart to win the war.

I’m off the market & in the moment!

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