Living in La La Land

An Eat, Pray, Love Follow Up

I have to admit, when I wrote my last entry I had not read the book Eat, Pray, Love and the movie hadn’t yet been released. So I guess you could say I was writing a bit blindly, working off assumptions and the topic of the week’s leading questions. But after having now seen the movie, I would like to revisit the topic a bit.

 

One of the things Liz does in the movie (and, one supposes, the book as well) is try to come up with her “word”, the single word that she feels describes her. While she doesn’t chose the word “balance” in the end, she also talks about that word a lot as one of the things she is seeking on her quest. As I watched, I realized that the word “balance” resonates with me a lot as well.

 

I have recently made a transition from being an executive assistant to a coordinator at the same company. As anyone who has experience being an assistant in the entertainment industry knows, while you are in that position the job is your life. This isn’t to say that I didn’t love my job, my boss, the experience, and the opportunities it afforded me. I did, truly. But there were definitely times when I got completely overwhelmed by my lack of social life as well as my constantly having to break plans when I did manage to schedule a social life for myself.

 

Listening to Julia Roberts (as Liz) speak about balance I realized how that was exactly what I was missing. Yet I was so busy that I couldn’t even see what I was missing until it was over.

 

Now, in my new position I am reveling in my ability to just be. To be able to run an errand without bringing my cell phone. To be able to sit at my desk and do work without being interrupted by the needs of someone else. To make plans and not have to check someone else’s schedule first. I’m learning how to enjoy balance in my life again. While I don’t have to go around the world to discover it, I am excited about my own journey to bring balance back to my life, right here at home.

 

A lot of people say that they want to work to live, not live to work. You might think that idea would be the essence of giving your life balance but I don’t think that is what I will find in my own journey. Because for me, my work is my life. I live and breath the industry I work in. When I go home it doesn’t end there. But I seek the balance of being able not to think about it when I want to so that I will still enjoy it when I think about it again.

My "Eat, Pray, Love" story

This past January my heart was broken. But in this break up, for the first time, I came to the realization that the offending party was not hurting me for the sake of hurting me. In fact, he was breaking up for me because he knew it was best for ME. He knew he couldn’t make me happy in the long run (and possibly even the short run). Of course, I still had to pick my broken heart up off the floor to finally see that. And now that I realize I am better off without that last guy, I have an evolved outlook for my new relationship.

 

It’s hard to put the pieces of your heart back together after someone shatters not only your feelings, but also what you had perceived as your future. In many ways, that perception of a future together being a sham was what hurt the most. Brian was perhaps the most conventionally romantic guy I had ever dated. I mean, geez, the boy wrote songs about me! But after the fact I wondered, was he the one putting out promises of a future or was I the one who was seeing too much into things? I guess it’s possible it was a little of both.

 

Post breakup I came to a resolution for myself. I want to focus on today, on this moment, right here and right now, and not worry about what is coming down the line until I am no longer happy with what the moment is giving me. I don’t mean this to just apply to my dating life either, but life in general. My breakup made me realize that I was so focused on the future that I didn’t spend enough time enjoying the moment.

 

Cut to five months later. I start dating Ben and with the best of intentions, put a lot of energy on enjoying just being with him and not worrying about the next step. For the past couple months that strategy has worked well. Every time Ben and I spent time together I made the most of it and as long as there was assurance I would see him again soon, I was at peace.

 

Cut to now. All of a sudden I am smack dab in the realization that, while my intentions were very good, they couldn’t last forever. Turns out, after my weeklong trip home to the east coast next week, Ben is going home himself for two weeks. Not seeing each other for three whole weeks? In the beginning of a relationship that’s a pretty long time!

 

So now I have a decision to make. I have to confront the fact that I have feelings for him and want there to be a future but I don’t want to get trapped in my old expectations. Is it too much to ask from someone that they commit to me during three weeks of not seeing each other? Shouldn’t be. But now I have a new realization. In my attempts to not take things too seriously too fast and to “live in the moment,” I have cut myself off from commitment. Where is the happy medium and how do I find it?

 

Suggestions are welcome but for now I plan to enjoy every day of my three weeks without Ben, rocking my independent self and enjoying the fact that there is someone out there missing me.

 

This past weekend I saw Rent and mused at Mimi’s words “There is no future, there is no past, I live this moment as my last.” Turns out, no matter how much you try, truly living in the moment is pretty impossible. No wonder poor Mimi couldn’t get her act together.