Chocolate Covered Chick Thoughts

Mission Impossible: Avoiding Your Ex

Excuse me Mr. Potter, you are mistaken. He who must not be named is not Lord Voldemort, it’s my ex. The guy I’d love to forget ever existed. Sure, I was once happy as a lamb to be in that relationship. The same lamb that’s in line to become the next dinner item from the slaughterhouse...(sigh). Ignorance isn't always bliss, is it?

Exes. The one word that is sure to elicit an automatic shudder reflex if said aloud. It has to. If the relationship had gone well, you’d still be dating. The whole point of having an ex means it did not end well. One or both parties wanted out. Either of which is not flattering to anyone’s psyche.

The worst part of post-break-up by far is that your ex will not disappear. He still exists. And (gasp) you could run into him any time, day or night. It can be paralyzing fear. Quickly after you sever all contact, that fear sets in.

Pretty soon going out to grab a quick cup of coffee in your comfortable clothes, turns into mission impossible. What if you happened to see your ex? You want to look your absolute best: happy, vibrant. Not sleepy and mismatched.

Then it starts. You only leave the house if you’ve had time to do your hair and make-up well. Or you don a pair sun glasses and never take them off like Katie Holmes. At least if your ex does catch a glimpse of you he won’t have to stare at your crow’s feet. Then, you begin to let your guard down. You stop avoiding all the places you went to when you were a “we.” You become less militant about your appearance…and BAM!

You run straight in to your ex and (gasp in horror) his new girlfriend when you least expect it. What can you do?

Top 3 Tips For Avoiding Your Lord Voldemort:

Hide: If you happen to spot your ex before he notices and you're not ready, odds are you should hide. Crouching down near the floor or dodging behind another person is at least less embarrassing than running in the opposite direction the moment your eyes meet. Channel your inner child and make sure you hide so well, you can’t be found. The second the opportunity has passed, you can breath a sigh of relief…until you start a harsher beauty ritual before leaving the house again.

Avoid and cringe: It’s damage control time. You both spotted each other. Now what do you do? How does a nice look of revulsion sound? Unfortunately, this is not a choice you can altogether control if you see your ex. While your sour face may not show the confident shade you intended, it sends a clear message, "Stay away. Do Not Approach or I’ll set a pack of wolves on you." And that does the trick! You now have an unspoken agreement to avoid one another should you ever meet again. 

Smile and hope you look stunning: The day you run into your ex so happens to be a good day. The one day you did dress up. There’s no reason to run away or send angry vibes because you feel good. And…it gives your ex and chance to see what he’s been missing. This is by far the best-case scenario. Your ex may come over if he isn’t crouching out of sight and you exchange pleasantries no matter how false they may be. When you walk away, you’ve unmistakably shown you’re not at home weeping over him. Your back on the market and this time with more sass and spunk they he’ll ever get to know. 

As a general rule of thumb if you run into an ex, stop by the store on your way home. You can nurse yourself back to health with a tray of brownies. 

*If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

The Everyday Halloween

Welcome to the land of multiple personalities! Halloween occurs every day whether or not you acknowledge it. People act differently depending on what social situation they are in. That of course, depends on how comfortable they feel given the situation.

You show a different shade of yourself depending on if your with your boyfriend, siblings, boss, or old Aunt Gertrude. And you should.

If your meeting your mother-in-law for the first time, odds are you’ll ditch your latest vixen outfit meant for a romantic date and exchange it for 19^th century colonial wear. 

During that meeting with your boss, you won’t carry out a conversation about the latest celebrity scandal. Instead, you’ll nod a lot and act more demure than you would with a martini in your hand and your best friend at your side.

It’s no wonder a small percent of the population suffers from multiple personalities. Every new social situation I am in, I act differently. Yes, that’s right….

The Many Chocolate-Covered Chick Personas:

 All in the Family: As the youngest of five children, the second I am surrounded with my blood posse, I become bubbly and boisterous…and loud. I have to be, I’m carrying out a conversation with three different people all located in different spots across the living room and kitchen most times. You’ll catch me laughing like a hyena, gasping over the latest Us magazine, and holding my third latte on any given day.

The next morning, you’ll find me au natural in my pjs, wearing my glasses, and gabbing over coffee with my posse again. Why? Because I am completely at ease no matter how I look. I can wear whatever I want, for the most part say whatever I want, and I never stop laughing when my three sisters are close by. It’s by far my favorite place on earth to be…and a place I never stop being me.

Foreign Exchange: When I am at my in-law’s place, my personality instantly changes. All of sudden, I’m quite and shy. I carefully pick out each every out fit, trying to choose something flattering without being too flashy. I have my hair perfectly in place and my nails done. I have to feel good and look good.

Partly due to the fact that I feel like I am on display…“Introducing The Most-Put-Together Wife! She cooks, attends church, dresses well, and makes marvelous meals…just look at your son, he’s still alive!”

Despite being married for years, my in-law’s place is something I am still getting used to. His family is more conservative, quiet, and relaxed. While mine is big, loud, and energetic. Although, his family does their best to make me feel welcome, there’s no place like home.

The One I love: When I am around my husband, we both turn into the biggest goofballs. We laugh over the stupidest things and enjoy watching endless episodes of The Office while cuddling in close to each other on the weekend. We have pet names, our own made up language if you can believe it, and almost always finish each other’s sentences…we are one, big loving dorky entity. Ok. I’ll stop before I cute you to death!

There's no shame in showing a new side of yourself to someone, kick back and crank up The Monster Mash next time its on the radio because you're not alone!

   *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

Emergency Friend Response

911 Friend Response: Hey chica!

Distraught chic: I just broke up with my boyfriend…

911 Friend Response: Oh no! Was he the lazy, annoying, bossy, or whiny type?

Distraught chic: Can I choose all four?

911 Friend Response: Oh. God. This is a code red. I’ve dispatched a group of your closest friends who should be with shortly along with a batch of freshly baked brownies and a strawberry martini. Until, they arrive I’ll stay on the phone with you, ok?

Less Distraught chic: Thank you! I just don’t think I can be alone right now.

911 Friend Response: I understand completely. Now, tell me how did this all start?

Lesser Distraught chic: Well two months ago…

Welcome to the chocolate-covered chick world. The second a friend is in trouble; the troops come marching in one by one. That's just what friends do. One of things that make women amazing is the ability to confide in one another in the best and worst of times. And after a break-up occurs, that’s when your friends really pull their weight.

They make sure you're ok, bring you sweets and roses, lend their shoulder for you to cry on, and help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. In fact if you don’t have friends that would do this for you after a break-up, get some. Women make the world a better place by our polite, warm, and welcoming nature. You’d be a fool to not monopolize on that when your life has been torn apart.

After your friends arrive, there are several different things you can do to help ease your suffering:

The Top Post-Break Up Activities

The Dust Busters: Launch yourself into a cleaning frenzy. If you’re Katherine Heigl you’ll throw away 27 bridesmaid dresses and reorganize your closet space. Cleaning not only allows you to numb your mind by focusing on trivial things such as whether or not to get new oven mitts, it elevates your mood. When you clean the space around you, you’ll feel better just by being in it. Even if its only a little bit better. The alternative is wallowing in that towering pile of forgotten laundry…and you don’t want to go there. Next you’ll be drawing the shades, throwing in an Aimee Mann cd, and be convinced that one is the loneliest number.

Liquor Me Lucky: You’re not the kind of girl who sits at home and cries a river of tears. Instead, you dawn your hottest outfit and hit the town with your chicks. Maybe secretly hoping to run into your ex, showing him how your world doesn’t revolve around your relationship. But despite your ironclad attitude, you are still hurting inside. Odds are you hit the bar the second you arrive to the club and end up doing Tequila shots. This form of grieving over liquor is quite common with those in something a lot like love especially if you’re Emily Friehl.

Vandalism Vixens: It’s quite funny how often the emotion of sadness is followed by the urge to destroy something after a two people break-up. You feel hurt and want to cause the same amount of pain to your once significant other. Which is kind of funny if it’s not your stereo system. Unfortunately, doing destructive behavior can lead to even more destructive behavior. One minute you’re having head shaved balled and the next minute you’ve got bat and are swinging it in front of your ex’s car. If your Britney Spears, your doing it all in front of a paparazzi show. Perhaps the best idea is to write a song about fulfilling your fantasy of destruction, like Carrie Underwood, is the best way to go. 

 

I kissed someone and I liked it!

When you experience your first kiss, you first urge is to tell. Someone. Anyone. If your Katy Perry, you write a song about her cherry chapstick. As you grow, you’re supposed to have more demure than running behind the jungle gym and spilling your guts. That’s why the water cooler was invented. So you can gab about your life with a certain amount of dignity.

I have to ask: where is it written that people shouldn’t discuss their relationships? The Victorian age of mass suppression is long gone. Moreover, it clashes with our very human nature: we’re social creatures. We discuss our lives and love discussing it. Nine times out of ten, when something really bad is happening in your relationship, odds are you need to speak with someone about it.

Kissing and telling is simply way for people to examine their relationships. It gives a person the opportunity to see multiple interpretations. A chance to see any red flags that may have been missed. Furthermore, when a relationship is over, it’s part of moving on.

 Three Types of Tells: 

The Blabbers: The ones who will spill everything to anyone. These are the people you hate to find sitting next to during a flight because you don’t want to know about their boyfriends STD and credit score. They like to dump their problems in other people’s laps for reasons I cannot altogether gather. Perhaps they are clueless themselves and are hoping to find the right stranger who will solve it all. Or maybe they enjoy seeing your mouth drop and watching you look for the closest exit sign…

*The Snuggies: These people know when to curl up on a couch with a cup of steaming hot coco and their most trusted friend. They only reveal the most intimate details of their lives to the select few that have made it into there “Circle of Trust.” While they may keep quiet with family members and acquaintances, they let go and share their life and relationships with those friends. Because after all, that’s what a good friend is for. If you cannot trust your friend with your personal problems, you need a better friend. If you’re living a life that cannot be said to a close friend, you need question the life your living. 

The Ned Flanders: The sugar and spice and everything nice people. They’ll howdie doodlie there way through a hurricane and five divorces without uttering a single negative word. The same way Nicole Kidman stayed quiet for years after her marriage. Their silence is deafening to a close friend. You want to help them, you want to discuss what happened, and find some way to reassure them but they won’t talk at all. Unfortunately, the pressure of holding in emotion for long periods of time does mount…even if they open a own their own left hand shop called The Leftorium.

 “Kissing” is something that can and should be "Told." Staying tight-lipped about events tends to make people that much more curious and is fuel for many nasty rumors. What people don’t know, the simply make up. But laying your life and trash out in front of everyone isn’t advisable either. Which is probably why *snuggies are such a big hit.

*Snuggie is a registered trademark of APG.

 

    *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

 

The Path Not Often Taken

While most college freshman head to a party or simply rush towards a Greek house, my high school sweetheart and I took a very different route. We eloped without saying a word to anyone.

That’s right. We dawned our Sunday best which for an 18-year-old girl is a skirt and blouse, and for a 19-year-old boy is his button up shirt and khaki jeans, and drove up to a beautiful mountain lodge for it. I’m forever grateful we had that much sense and didn’t do it in a paper crate and balloons sort of way.

We were giddy and giggly all over as we took a couple of pictures of ourselves with our disposable camera to commemorate it. I felt like Cinderella, swept off my feet by Prince Charming. After all, we’d been dating for nine months and that was forever.

Unfortunately, once we broke the news over the phone, we quickly realized we were regarded as Sinderella and Prince Alarming. The vast majority of our family and friends were not pleased with our actions nor were they happy to learn that Colorado is one of the few states that two people can marry themselves without much assistance.

After hearing some wrath and chuckled congratulations (in a you have no idea what you’ve done way), we did what married couples do: Rent. We signed a lease to our first apartment. Our very first empty apartment. We had no valuables aside from a T.V. with no knobs propped up on a cardboard box as well as no food. It actually hadn’t occurred to us that we needed to, umm, feed until we stared into our empty fridge with howling stomachs.

So we did what all two-hour old marriage couples do, hit up Wal-Mart...at midnight and grab everything in sight. Not all of that is true. Our plan was to just get frozen pizza. Except we quickly realized that we had nothing to cut it with and no plates to serve it on. And oh my goodness, what happens when breakfast comes tomorrow?

While the concept of paying bills added up along with the realization that two sleeping bags would not do, we loved every minute of it.

It was like we were trapped in that Beach Boys song: Wouldn’t It Be Nice?

We may have had nothing but we had each other. At as corny as that may sound, it meant everything to us. And that laid the foundation to surviving the first couple weeks in planet married world.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. While our choices were very nontraditional, jumping into life with both feet was thrilling and is part of actually living life.

Besides, we did return two years later to renew our vows and celebrate with a real wedding. That beautiful mountain lodge became our reception site. This time we celebrated with champagne instead of sparkling cider.

As for today, six years of marriage later, he’s still my Prince Charming.

   *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

   

If You Could Turn Back Time

The electricity in your building shut down and you missed that 8:00 meeting about your position in the company.

In an effort to make it to your daughter’s recital, you park hastily, enjoy the show, and come back to find a parking ticket on your windshield.

 It’s the worst day of your life….and your wife is staring back at you, expectantly as it dawns on you its also the day of your anniversary and you have nothing.

 What do all of these scenarios have in common? They’re whishing they could turn back time. Not to stop Cher from having a separate room dedicated to wigs…but for the ability to make-up for something that was thoroughly screwed up.

 All of this leads to the eternal gray question: Do second chances make a difference?

Let’s be honest with ourselves. While we may swear up and down how things will be different next time and wipe the sweat off of our brow, I know what happens. A few days later, you’ll miss another meeting knowing that it is possible to maintain your job. You’ll park illegally again and by the time a year goes by, you have no idea when your anniversary is. And you’re back to hoping Lady Luck will trip over you again.

 What really would make a difference? If I'm the illegal parker and got a $500 parking ticket instead of being let off,  I would not let it happen again. No matter what the circumstance. This leads me to believe…know from my own excuses, that the consequences and the price you pay often determine whether or not a behavior will happen again.

 Everything has a price tag. I don’t just mean the ever-rising price of a Starbucks drink. I’m referring to the emotional and relational price to our everyday actions.

You kick your self all they way to work because you miss that all-important meeting, slowly turning your hair gray. Your self-esteem lowers each time you spin a tale of woe to an officer. Your wife may let you make-up for forgetting your anniversary but deep inside, a part of your image has just been tarnished. 

 That price will stop you the second time around. That being said, everyone needs a break every now and then. Life isn’t always a blissful highway, often times is 5 o’clock stop-and-go traffic everyday.

 But what about BIG second chances? Like the one that involves a crying ex pleading with you to take them back?

 I’d like to say something reasonable such as: Know what you can and cannot forgive early on in a relationship and stick to that no matter what.  

 But that does not begin to explain the heartache of facing your mother at Christmas and her questions about where you partner is. It doesn’t begin to explain to little Janey that Daddy isn’t coming home today.  It doesn’t begin to explain how badly you both want your relationship to be the same again.

 Life isn’t always black and white. Relationships are eternally a fuzzy gray area.

 Personally, I hate thinking what-if more than filing a tax return. But there are also certain actions in a relationship that I would not allow either. 

 Alas, you have to follow your heart. If you can forgive, depending on the situation I emphasize if, try it out again. If you feel you're looking over your shoulder so much so you feel like the Secret Police, maybe that’s your cue to call it quits for good. And if your partner is they kind of guy that when presented with a magic lamp, immediately asks for more wishes, you might want to hit the high road and let some one else deal with it.

 

   *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

The Worst Bully I'll Ever Know

The older you get, the more everyone asks you if you’ll attend your High School reunion when it comes up. Most people blush and began gabbing away, remembering those old days. For me, there’s no sweet reminiscing or debate at all in fact. I shake my head in horror. I won’t. Ever. End of story.

 That’s because my life started after high school. 

 If anyone could see me now from high school, they’d think I was placed in the Witness Protection Plan. That’s how different I am.

 Unlike most girls, my awkward stage…you know that one…where your body suddenly erupts with hips, thighs, and hair with enough grease it could tune up a car? For me, it lasted from 8^th grade to 11^th. Add to the fact that my hair was frizzy and would not lay flat for anything, and I was one lucky, lucky girl.

How did I handle this…phase? I was the one you wouldn’t notice. The one in the back, quiet as a mouse that kept to herself. The one who never caused any trouble and had her homework done on time. The one who’s best moment was winning her team’s World History’s Jeopardy answers. The invisible girl wearing an oversized sweatshirt with her hair in an eternal bun. 

The torture that was High School didn’t end until my senior year. Over the summer, I drank tons of Slim-Fast with the belief that the faster I did drink it, the faster I’d slim down. Thankfully, it paid off and I dropped quite a few pounds. I cut my long hair and learned that annoying frizz I hated meant it was curly and I could do something with it. Bought some much needed contacts and for the love of myself, finally hit up the fashion scene.

 I was a new woman. No longer the oddball gawky teen but for the first time since Aunt Rosie sat down on my steps, I felt beautiful. 

 So I did what was only natural, I burned all of my old pictures showing I had ever existed as somebody else and never looked back. I came back smiling, confident, and determined to stand out. If it hadn’t been bluntly clear that my transformation was shocking, the couple of friends I did have didn’t recognize me. Instead, they stood there with a confused expression on their face until I said my name. 

Then they yelled, “Oh! Brittany?! I had no idea. God you look different.”  Double Gulp. At least I knew I stood out...now.

 I signed up for karate and scuba diving classes. I began to date for the first time (what can I say? I was a very, very late bloomer) and met my hunk of a husband in a rock climbing class, launching a giggly girly side of me I’d never seen before. Everyone was pleased to meet her.

Despite making new friends, High School was the worst bully I’d ever see. By making me get up at the butt crack of dawn and traipse my awkward body around hoards of my fellow peers for years. I spent most nights stressing out over the piles of homework it gave me and sought solace in Snickers Ice Cream. It was quite tragic. 

 I don’t think I’ll ever step foot in that place again. I’ll take Freud's advice and repress it all away. Pooth. It’s gone….

 Now what was I talking about?

 

  *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

 

 

The Grass is Always Greener

Whether your single or in a relationship, the one thing I have learned is that the grass is always greener on the other side. I yelp in excitement every time my friends go on a new date. In turn, they regal me with a tale of woe to inform me it's no picnic being single. 

Many singletons spend their days pinning for a stable partner. They imagine frolicking on the sidewalks of New York holding hands and being followed by serenading Disney birds. Because everyone who’s single knows how happy they’ll be once their in a relationship.

Each new date sends them to cloud nine and each break-up sends them to the freezer for more ice cream. They can’t help but swoon at any couples in sight and lament on why they have no one. At family events, their family joins in wondering out loud as well. Don't you just love family?

But have you ever paused to wonder that that couple in the coffee shop, sucker faced onto each other, is making up after an all night fight over who’s turn it was to unstack the dishwasher? Yup, that chick saddled in realtionshipville is daydreaming about her past, wondering when life became so complex and using the bathroom as her “getaway time.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband. But single world looks so simple, relaxed, and downright cozy at times….especially after a 2 hour fight on where to put that ugly painting a relative gifted us. That's just an example. I promise...

Once you're in a relationship, the simplest of all things cease being simple. When we want to watch a movie, we each want to pick a different one. What’s for dinner? Air! At least for the next thirty minutes until while we decide on what “we” want. It’s always we, we, we and as a we, we have family events to attend. Nonstop.

Sure I’d love to see old Aunt Gertrude instead of an all girls night. No, I don’t mind Four Thanksgivings (uncomfortable cough...how much wine is there?) I haven’t met who yet sweetie?

That’s right. The grass is always greener. Check it out:

The Top 3 Single vs. Taken Complaints:

Singleton: I’m always alone.

Realtionshipville: I never get alone time.

 

 Singleton: I can do anything but I have no one to do it with. 

Realtionshipville: Everything we do is a discussion.

 

 Singleton: I hate always having to introduce myself.

Realtionshipville: We know everything about one another.

 

Whether you’re a singleton or living in realtionshipville, it’s important to realize that there are highs and lows to both sides.

Singletons should enjoy the time they have to do anything that pleases them as Number 1 and chilax with their favorite chick flick. Realtionshipville’s should snuggle up close and be happy they have someone to debate endlessly with...even if that means spending excessive amounts of time at Home Depot. (another uncomfortable cough). 

 *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

Carrie Underwood's Plan of Attack

If you have ever caught someone cheating, you can forget Global Warming and the Polar Bears: your world has just been shattered into pieces. 

Despite being in a stable relationship, I can’t help the fact that my mind wanders. When something is wrong I often imagine the worst-case scenario, which is why zombie movies keep me up late at night. Considering the recent celebrity scandals involving Sandra Bullock & Elin Nordegren, I can’t help but wonder what I would do if I caught a cheater?

Being raised on MTV (when they still played music videos) I immediately turned towards music for the usual: answers to life, the universe, and heartbreak. Thankfully, Dr. Itunes charges me only $1.09 per session and has exclusive relationship advice from the world’s most influential people. It didn’t take more than a second to find her and ask myself the question: What Would Carrie Underwood do?

Unbelievably, Carrie offers a “plan of attack” post- freak out that guarantees to not only make me feel better but will help the next girl as well. I didn’t know I could be so nice!

While a part of me agrees with Carrie that destroying his most valued possessions feels right. What am I kidding? Incredibly good. The other part of me respectfully disagrees on the basis of reason.

Let’s take a look:

Step 1) Key the side of his car

             This act is seemingly harmless. One long scratch on the side of his car makes my skin all tingly without making a loud dent that screams “psycho.” However, it puts my foot into the door of psychoville and I’m more likely to want to camp out there for a couple hours. It lets my judgment get all fuzzy and my vision too since the rage monster was recently fed. There’s no telling what I might do next…unless I listened to the rest of the song of course.

Step 2) Carve my name into his leather seats

             Yes, officer that’s my name. No, I didn’t do it. Someone else wrote my name in his leather seats (cough). Carving my name into his seats only tells him who press charges against. That way I’d get the thrill of taking my revenge on his car and he’d get the thrill of me cleaning it up.

Step 3) Take a Louisville slugger to both headlights

            Is this really the best time to grab hold of bat? With my adrenaline pumping at an all time high, I’d stay away from objects that can do bodily harm. Just don’t go near them. Instead, I vent off my steam on what is hopefully our bank account and treat myself to a day of pampering. Not only would it give me time to think, I’d feel fabulous for when (if ever) he sees me again.

Step 4) Slash the tires

             Great. I see now that I have two murder weapons. My arsenal is quickly growing. How nice. Perhaps a sedative is actually the best course of action at this point.

If you’re ever in the situation where you catch a cheater in the act, the best thing to do is burn your Carrie Underwood cd and get OUT instead.

        O: Out the door you go without looking back.

        U: Utilize your friends and crash at their place.

        T: Take time for yourself. 

*Get that new hair cut or pedicure you never found the time for. Above all else, take some time to think.

 

 *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!  

In The Jungle

Infidelity, unfaithfulness, and cheating are words that send shivers down my spine. The very same way cold cough syrup does. Is there anything worse in a relationship?

Right around the time Freud was pondering, “What do Women Want?” A few million women were thinking, “Why do Men Cheat?”

Many articles out there boast that besides humans, monogamy is rarely found in the animal kingdom. It’s in our genes to procreate with many different partners. Therefore, trying to tie a person down in a relationship, is not only a bad idea, we are not evolutionary built for it.

Maybe. In my own opinion, some apples fall further away from the tree than others in every aspect of life. Humans vary in intelligence, kindness, and aggression. Why not the ability to be content with monogamy?

Since human infidelity often references what happens In The Jungle, I couldn’t help realizing in my own contemplations that my theory also holds water.

There are certain types of men out there that do cheat and do not. Ones that can be monogamous and ones that have never heard of the term. Partners that stay together for life and ones that are shorter than Britney Spear’s 55-hour marriage. There are certain types of animals that mate for life such as the grey wolf and the emperor penguin and ones that can’t remember who they were with last night like chimpanzee’s or man’s best friend.

Let’s take a look into Man Vs. Animal:

The Lone Wolf: The true Sandy and Danny Grease romance.  Once they find “The One," they live side by side for life. Never questioning their bond or the choice they made. They travel, sleep, and forage together staying as close as one can get to their soul mate. Summer Lovin happens fast for this guy and lasts…and lasts.

The Sanguine Penguin: These fella’s have no problem building a home, starting a family, or letting ladies go first. Their first priority is to find a suitable mate and sing a little heart song for her. While away, women have no problem trusting that their man is safe at home pining for their return.

One of the Dogs: These homeward bound men shack it up with anyone they find along the road. Despite having a collar and lady at home, they feel the need to wander the great wide-open spaces looking for trouble. Of course, they feel the need to hide this side of themselves if they want to keep out of the leaky doghouse in the backyard. 

Chimpanzees: These guys party like its 1969. No shirt. No shoes. No rules.

While men and animals come in many different shapes and sizes, it’s important to know who’s sitting next to you. Animals tend not to change their spots or suddenly evolve, altering their lifestyle just because some hot new mammal comes their way. For the most part, humans and personality types are along the same way.

The good news? There’s someone out there for everyone. While Saundra Bullock is shopping around for her own penguin, Kat Von D’s happy as can be with man’s best friend. 

 *If you'd like to learn more about me, simply click on my picture in the top left corner right next to the title!