To say that I don’t have a rather extensive dating history would be putting it mildly. What my dating history lacks in depth, it makes up in entertainment value in spades. I dated a nice boy in high school for a couple of weeks, and that was only because I wanted a real prom date. After a few possible suitors here and there in college, I finally got a real boyfriend. It all started out as most plotlines on CW shows generally do. We were friends first and he really liked me, but I never really saw him that way. One magical day, I saw him in a different light and everything changed. Then… I went back to college and broke his heart. Totally awful, right? Don’t worry, I came back from college and rekindled the flame. Sort of.
You know how you sometimes view your relationship with someone only through your eyes and fail to see it from their end? Our second try would be a perfect example. While I was ready to dive right back in, he was a bit more apprehensive. “I want to keep my options open.” Ouch. We fought a lot with me always begging for the commitment and him constantly claiming that he just wasn’t ready. (I told you this is the stuff of nighttime drama). A case of infidelity later, (actually it was more like three or four as I would come to find out, one with a vomit fetish…gross!), and guilt drove him to give it try. Boyfriend/girlfriend… all that jazz.
It seemed we were moving towards long-term commitment, but there was a bit of a religious battle. He is a member of a Christian religion that’s a bit difficult to explain, no room to attempt it here. It’s not that I was unwilling to convert (I’d never been very religious in the first place); it was that I was unwilling to give up Christmas. Santa Claus is a bit like Satan to them. It became obvious we were never to be.
The long and short of it was that we broke up. It was gut-wrenching and awful. We tried that whole, “let’s just take a break and see how we feel.” We stayed broken up yet still talked and hung out every day. It was the most painful and dark time of my life. I tried everything to get over it: hung out with dudes from my past that I didn’t really like, made new friends, and I read every book I could in hopes it would enlighten me. My boss lent me her copy of Eat, Pray, Love insisting I read it. The protagonist’s first relationship after her separation sort of snapped me back into reality (albeit brief). Sometimes people just aren’t good for you.
I wish I could say that I put the book down and never spoke to him again. What I really did was try to convince myself that we could be friends and nothing more. A Facebook post from a new girlfriend here and an accidental removal of a condom from his pocket there (just imagine this for a second)… I was right back to where I started: hurt and miserable. He assured me that this long distance girlfriend (also a member of his church, which made his helicopter mother SO proud) was not that serious… “I mean, she lives hundreds of miles away.” Just kept stringing me along. Everyone else saw it and tried to talk (or yell) sense into me.
Then, I found out she moved here. Not serious? That’s pretty serious. I just sat there and asked myself why I would allow someone to continue to treat me so terribly. You’d think you would tell your supposed “best friend” that your girlfriend was selling her house and moving up to Ohio from Missouri to be with you. (They are now married, by the way). It was then that I had the epiphany. I am better than this. He does not deserve my friendship.
The very next day, I met someone that would truly take my life in a new direction. Not that it’s been easy at all, Maury Povich-esque at times, nor is it close to being normal. Yet, I am happy. Do I think it’s a coincidence that I met him the very next day after removing my ex from my life? Nope. I think there have been many wonderful people on whom I truly missed out because I was too caught up in the misery. Only when you truly realize your self worth, will you ever allow yourself to be happy. Sometimes it takes something pretty terrible to realize it, but we all do eventually. Life is never the same.